Dining etiquette has always been a reflection of social customs, shaping how we gather, connect, and share meals. While Victorian-era dining was steeped in rigid formalities, modern manners have adapted to suit today’s fast-paced lifestyles—without losing sight of timeless traditions.

 

The Victorian Era

A Time of Grand Formality

Picture an opulent dining room with flickering candlelight, gloved servers and guests dressed to impress. In the nineteenth century, meals were elaborate social events governed by unspoken rules:

 

Multiple Courses & Precise Utensils: Wealthy households served up to twelve courses, each requiring specific forks, knives, and spoons.

 

Elegant Dress Codes: Men wore dinner jackets, and women donned floor-length gowns and gloves. Strict Table Manners–Sitting up straight, chewing with one’s mouth closed, and keeping elbows off the table were non-negotiable.

 

Formal Invitations & Gratitude: Guests often would send a formal acceptance note and a handwritten thank-you card afterward. While these customs emphasized refinement, dining was an exclusive, high-pressure affair.

 

The Mid-20^th Century

Relaxation Without Sacrificing Manners

By the 1950s, dining etiquette had become more approachable. Families still valued mealtime together, but expectations loosened:

 

Simplified Table Settings: Everyday dining moved away from elaborate place settings, except for special occasions.

 

Casual Dress Codes: While formal events remained, daily meals shifted toward comfortable attire.

 

Restaurants & Fast-Food Rise: Eating out became commonplace, requiring a blend of homegrown etiquette and restaurant norms.

 

More Conversation, Fewer Rules: Mealtime discussions became more open, shedding restrictions on ‘proper’ topics.

 

Modern Day Dining

A Balance of Tradition & Convenience

Today, dining etiquette blends old-fashioned courtesy with contemporary flexibility. While we may not follow every Victorian-era rule, key principles endure:

 

What Has Stood the Test of Time?

 

Basic Table Manners: Chewing with a closed mouth, using utensils correctly, and being considerate remain essential.

 

Respect for the Host: Bringing a small gift, such as a bottle of wine or flowers, is still a thoughtful gesture.

 

Napkin Etiquette: Placing the napkin on one’s lap and using it to dab, not wipe, is a subtle but important habit.

 

Waiting for Others to Be Served: It’s still polite to wait until everyone at the table has food before digging in.

 

What Has Faded?

Strict Dress Codes

 

Aside from fine dining, jeans and casual wear are widely accepted.

 

Formal Multi-Course Meals

Outside of gourmet experiences, everyday meals are more streamlined.

Rigid Seating Arrangements

While place cards still exist at upscale events, most gatherings take a more relaxed approach.

The Future of Dining Etiquette

As dining customs evolve, new challenges emerge—especially with technology. One major modern faux pas? Phone usage at the table. I always teach my students that phones have no place at dinner unless an adult is on call. Nothing is more disruptive than FaceTiming or speaking on speakerphone while others try to enjoy their meal. Ultimately, great etiquette isn’t about strict rules—it’s about making others feel comfortable and respected. Whether you’re at a formal dinner party at Cork & Cow in Franklin, enjoying brunch at Mere Bulles in Brentwood, or sipping coffee at the Good Cup, the key is to adapt while maintaining kindness and consideration.