BY TIM KEARNS
Being a Southern Gentleman revolves around one word: Respect. It’s respect for yourself and for those around you. Being a gentleman isn’t a personality quirk. It’s not something you turn
on and off like a switch. It’s a choice. It’s a lifestyle. And although it’s a reputation that’s quickly diminishing in today’s self-absorbed world of electronic devices - I’m hopeful the traditions can make
a comeback. Many of these traditions below I have made a habit that my wife and daughters have become used to and my daughters now expect the same of their husbands.
HERE ARE A FEW SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN TRADITIONS THAT SHOULD STILL APPLY TODAY
A gentleman will...
DRESS PROPERLY WHEN GOING OUT
Dress properly means for the occasion, whether going to the lake or out to eat. There is no need to look like a slob in dirty wrinkled clothes even if you’re cooking in a BBQ contest, but especially when dining at a nice restaurant or going to an event.
OPEN HER CAR DOOR
In the old days, it was seen as a sign of his protection and strength when a gentleman would help a lady up into the carriage. Their dresses were often long and heavy, so the gentleman would open the door for her so she wouldn’t have to drop her dress in the dirt. Today, opening a door for her is not a sign of weakness towards her, but a gesture of affection.
LET HER WALK THROUGH THE DOOR FIRST
Women should always go through the door first. Even ardent feminists will admit to this. It’s not an acknowledgment that women are the weaker sex - it’s perhaps an acknowledgment of women as the stronger sex.
PULL OUT HER CHAIR
In the old days, it was common for the gentleman to pull out her chair and allow her to face the open room. Today, the gentleman pulls out her seat, and sits facing away from the crowd and the TV. Why? Because he doesn’t need to be distracted - she needs to be the center of his attention, not a football game or golf tournament.
HOLD THE UMBRELLA WHEN IT RAINS
When raining, a gentleman will hold the umbrella over her. No, he does not mind getting a little wet.
STAND TO HER OUTSIDE, CLOSEST TO THE STREET, WHEN WALKING
Symbolically this might be seen that he’ll always be by her side, through thick and thin, and will protect her from anything. But this does have historical merit to it. Before today’s sewage systems, a man would stand on the outside of the sidewalk to protect a woman from the dust and sewage that could splash up from horse-drawn carriages. Today, a gentleman might stand in the way of puddles splashing up the street, or in the event a car veers onto the sidewalk.
HELP HER PUT ON AND TAKE OFF HER COAT
A gentleman should help his lady put-on and take-off her coat out of common courtesy. Even if your relationship is new, men should still offer to help.
WALK HER TO HER CAR / DOOR
Because he’s concerned for her safety, a true gentleman will walk her to her car or to her front door if dropping her off.
CARRY HER BAGS
A gentleman will help her carry her bags - whether they are groceries, packages or she needs help with her luggage when flying or traveling.
GIVE UP HIS JACKET
A gentleman will always pay attention. When she starts to shiver, he gives her his jacket.
GIVE UP HIS SEAT
If there are no other seats available, a gentleman offers his seat to a lady.
SIT AFTER SHE SITS
She’s the guest - a gentleman will allow her to sit first.
KEEP HIS APPOINTMENTS AND PROMISES
A big part of being a gentleman is respecting other people’s time. When a gentleman tells someone they’re going to help them with something, they help them. When a gentleman promises they’ll have a project done by a certain date, they meet the deadline. Not only does this build trust, it helps build self-trust, a crucial-yet- underrated form of trust for a gentleman.
ASK HER FATHER FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE
In Victorian days, a gentleman would have
to show his ‘credentials’ to her father to show his worthiness. Today, a gentleman asks her father for his blessing because it shows a sign of courtesy and respect to his future father-in-law.
ALWAYS ON TIME
A gentleman is only as good as his word. He should plan in advance and don’t ever keep her waiting. Traffic is not an excuse for being late.
I have to say that both my Son-in-Law’s check almost all of these boxes! So all ladies; wives, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, ladies you come in contact with socially should all be treated with respect and honor. This should be the standard rule of thumb for all southern gentleman!
